Being a parent is hard - it is a roller coaster of emotions.
One minute you are laughing and joking. The next you are wiping a kids tears. Or breaking up a fight. Making a lesson out of the events that just happened.
But you are pretty much always tired!
I have been a mom for just over 3 years now. There are many times when I have questioned if I am doing the right thing for me or the kids. But I am sure that has to be normal. Every mom (or dad) questions what they are doing and how they are raising their kids at one point or another.
Some moments are easy. They just flow. Things go good for a while, then it seems like everything just falls apart at the same time. Most of the time you are just left with your head spinning trying to grasp the situation at hand and how it went from laughs and giggles to smacking, yelling and crying.
Usually there is no way to figure out how it goes from good to bad and back again!
There have been numerous times where I have had to remind myself that I am not their friend, I am their mom. I am responsible for how they grow up and how they act in the years to come... Which means that when I say "you will finish your food or you will get nothing else at all the rest of the evening" - I have to stand by what I say. I cannot go back on it. Even though it is hard. I struggle with feeling like a mean mom - or if I am doing what is right for my kids.
One struggle I have is how to rationalize with a 3 year old... Like just today she started crying and screaming about how she wanted to go home. Which thoroughly confused me since we were home. We had not left yet today. So I told her, "Baby, we are home..." in the most calmest tone I could have with her. But that did not calm her down. At all. She cried and cried -- while in her own room -- about how she wanted to go home. I really did not know what to say to her. And just as soon as she broke down, she was fine again. Which left me so confused and still trying to figure out what happened.
Which brings me back to my point.
Being a parent is hard. You have a roller coaster of emotions. You second guess yourself all the time. You rationalize your parenting style and judge other parents for their decisions.
There will never be a perfect parent. There will never be a perfect way to raise a kid.
However - there are a lot of wrong ways to raise a kid. A lot of ways that people are messing up our future by not disciplining their children and letting them run the household. They do not give rules or expectations to their children. And let them tell them what they want to do all the time. (Which, yes, there is a time and place for that - but it should not be how the house is run...)
So let's just remember that we are all trying. We are all doing what we can to keep our children safe and happy. So do what you can to raise your children to the best you can. But remember, you are not your child's best friend! You are their parent. You set the rules. Not the kid. You tell the kids what they can or cannot do. You do not ask them what they want to do.
Sincerely,
A Mom Trying To Do Her Best
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Political Post --- You have been warned!
Well, it is official - we have elected a new president for our country as of last night. Right now, there is a lot of talk about the election and how things played out. But let me take it back a bit here...
The last eight years we have had the same president running our country... Now, just to set the record straight, I did not vote for him either time he ran. Maybe that is part of why I was not fond of him, but maybe there is more.
See, when he was voted in, history was made in this country by electing the first black man ever to be the president of our country. So for many, this was a racial victory. For others, they just thought that he was a better candidate. And over the eight years there was a lot of contention between people who agreed with him and his policies, and those who did not. There was a lot continually going on and in a way it split the country into two separate, if not three separate, parts.
When we entered into an election year - many were excited. Okay, I think most of the country was excited for one reason or another. With new leadership there always comes new policies and new ideas of what is best for the country.
This election came down to Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton...
One a business man who has never been involved in any politics but has built his empire off hard work. Someone who could not be bought by anyone and even made his campaign on the fact that he truly just wanted to make America a great place to live again. If elected, he would be the first president in a long time that was not what has become an office of "career politicians".
Our other candidate, if elected, would be the first woman president in our country. (So again, more history to be made in our country...maybe.) She is the wife of a former president as well as been involved in politics in DC for years since. Even though, one would think that this would make a good candidate for president, in this case, I do not feel like it would. She was constantly under investigation for one thing or another, and very careless in her talks and the way she handled classified materials.
The problem is - to many, there really was no good choice for who should run this country....however that is where it gets slightly tricky. Or maybe not.
For me, I personally like to see someone running our country who has served in the military since that is a big deal. After 15 plus years in military service, I like to know that my Commander in Chief understands what I have been through and what it is like to serve in the military. But this year, we did not have an option that has served in the military. So therefore, there had to be other things to look at for who to vote for.
Which brings me to why I chose to vote for Donald Trump. My vote may not be the popular one, and honestly I did not even have to tell you who got my vote. But I did not agree with majority of what Hillary Clinton stood for in her campaign. While I do not think that Mr. Trump is perfect (let's be honest, none of us are! We have all made mistakes in our lives and he chose to not run and hide from his, but let everyone scrutinize him for them while still maintaining class... oh wait, I got off on a tangent... sorry!)... I felt that he was the best person for the job. That is it. Plain and simple.
**Side note - it is now Thursday night... I had to take my daughter to the ER yesterday for a fever of 104.8 so I am just now getting back to finishing this blog...**
I know that there are a lot of people who do not think that Mr. Trump will be good for our country... There are a lot of people (me included) that do not feel that Mr. Obama was good for our country... And that is okay! Yes, I said it is okay to feel like he is not the person for the job. I do not feel that we should criticize each other for our own thoughts and opinions. No one can tell me how to feel or what to think. That is all my own. I have to make the decisions for myself.
Which brings me to another point. I have read tons and tons of messages today about people who are upset that Mr. Trump won - but they are doing things that are very un-American about it. Burning the American flag has nothing to do with who won the presidency. All it does is make you look stupid and is a slap in the face to those of us who have served this country honoring that flag (no matter who was our Commander in Chief!).
Oh and do not get me started on the kids who are in college and had to have classes and tests cancelled or have a therapy dog brought in to console them after they learned that Mr. Trump won the presidency. GET REAL! That is just a load of crap and these kids need to grow up! This is the result of a bunch of kids who were not taught how to lose! Yes, I said it. They are all given participation awards, and no one wants to hurt anyones feelings so they do not have a winner and loser in any of their sports or competitions or anything. Everyone is given a medal... Well, forgive me for saying this but we were not given medals for losing when I grew up! (Okay, well there was this one time that my soccer team had to lose 3 games to win second place but only because there were only 2 teams in the competition and we were way out played... all three games! Yes, we still played all three games even though we knew we had no chance at winning - because that is what you did!)
Needless to say, I think that no matter what side of the vote you were on... whether you wanted Mr. Trump or Hillary (or what about those hundreds of people who got up and went all the way to the polls just to write-in Harambe...you know, the dead gorilla...) or someone else to be our president... What we need to do now is what we have done every other election - CONTINUE TO PRAY!
I for one have been open and honest that I did not agree with or like pretty much anything that Mr. Obama did while he was in office as our CiC... But that does not mean that I did not pray for him and everyone in power in this country. And that is what I will continue to do even as Mr. Trump starts his transition into office.
And that is what you should do too. Let's stop fighting. Stop the hatred. Stop forming stupid hashtags about not supporting this man. Stop being stupid. And how about we all come together to embrace the way our country was formed...you know, by having a change in power every 4 or 8 years. It is not a surprise that Mr. Obama would be leaving office this January. So let's just take the time to pray for all our leadership and realize that there is a lot more important issues out there than protesting the person who was elected. If you do not like it, then get into politics and start making changes yourself. If you do not want to do that, then shut up, pray for those who are in our government and start acting like an American - one who is not entitled, but one who is grateful for this country.
Sincerely,
A white, female, Christian, republican, pro-gun, pro-life feminist
The last eight years we have had the same president running our country... Now, just to set the record straight, I did not vote for him either time he ran. Maybe that is part of why I was not fond of him, but maybe there is more.
See, when he was voted in, history was made in this country by electing the first black man ever to be the president of our country. So for many, this was a racial victory. For others, they just thought that he was a better candidate. And over the eight years there was a lot of contention between people who agreed with him and his policies, and those who did not. There was a lot continually going on and in a way it split the country into two separate, if not three separate, parts.
When we entered into an election year - many were excited. Okay, I think most of the country was excited for one reason or another. With new leadership there always comes new policies and new ideas of what is best for the country.
This election came down to Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton...
One a business man who has never been involved in any politics but has built his empire off hard work. Someone who could not be bought by anyone and even made his campaign on the fact that he truly just wanted to make America a great place to live again. If elected, he would be the first president in a long time that was not what has become an office of "career politicians".
Our other candidate, if elected, would be the first woman president in our country. (So again, more history to be made in our country...maybe.) She is the wife of a former president as well as been involved in politics in DC for years since. Even though, one would think that this would make a good candidate for president, in this case, I do not feel like it would. She was constantly under investigation for one thing or another, and very careless in her talks and the way she handled classified materials.
The problem is - to many, there really was no good choice for who should run this country....however that is where it gets slightly tricky. Or maybe not.
For me, I personally like to see someone running our country who has served in the military since that is a big deal. After 15 plus years in military service, I like to know that my Commander in Chief understands what I have been through and what it is like to serve in the military. But this year, we did not have an option that has served in the military. So therefore, there had to be other things to look at for who to vote for.
Which brings me to why I chose to vote for Donald Trump. My vote may not be the popular one, and honestly I did not even have to tell you who got my vote. But I did not agree with majority of what Hillary Clinton stood for in her campaign. While I do not think that Mr. Trump is perfect (let's be honest, none of us are! We have all made mistakes in our lives and he chose to not run and hide from his, but let everyone scrutinize him for them while still maintaining class... oh wait, I got off on a tangent... sorry!)... I felt that he was the best person for the job. That is it. Plain and simple.
**Side note - it is now Thursday night... I had to take my daughter to the ER yesterday for a fever of 104.8 so I am just now getting back to finishing this blog...**
I know that there are a lot of people who do not think that Mr. Trump will be good for our country... There are a lot of people (me included) that do not feel that Mr. Obama was good for our country... And that is okay! Yes, I said it is okay to feel like he is not the person for the job. I do not feel that we should criticize each other for our own thoughts and opinions. No one can tell me how to feel or what to think. That is all my own. I have to make the decisions for myself.
Which brings me to another point. I have read tons and tons of messages today about people who are upset that Mr. Trump won - but they are doing things that are very un-American about it. Burning the American flag has nothing to do with who won the presidency. All it does is make you look stupid and is a slap in the face to those of us who have served this country honoring that flag (no matter who was our Commander in Chief!).
Oh and do not get me started on the kids who are in college and had to have classes and tests cancelled or have a therapy dog brought in to console them after they learned that Mr. Trump won the presidency. GET REAL! That is just a load of crap and these kids need to grow up! This is the result of a bunch of kids who were not taught how to lose! Yes, I said it. They are all given participation awards, and no one wants to hurt anyones feelings so they do not have a winner and loser in any of their sports or competitions or anything. Everyone is given a medal... Well, forgive me for saying this but we were not given medals for losing when I grew up! (Okay, well there was this one time that my soccer team had to lose 3 games to win second place but only because there were only 2 teams in the competition and we were way out played... all three games! Yes, we still played all three games even though we knew we had no chance at winning - because that is what you did!)
Needless to say, I think that no matter what side of the vote you were on... whether you wanted Mr. Trump or Hillary (or what about those hundreds of people who got up and went all the way to the polls just to write-in Harambe...you know, the dead gorilla...) or someone else to be our president... What we need to do now is what we have done every other election - CONTINUE TO PRAY!
I for one have been open and honest that I did not agree with or like pretty much anything that Mr. Obama did while he was in office as our CiC... But that does not mean that I did not pray for him and everyone in power in this country. And that is what I will continue to do even as Mr. Trump starts his transition into office.
And that is what you should do too. Let's stop fighting. Stop the hatred. Stop forming stupid hashtags about not supporting this man. Stop being stupid. And how about we all come together to embrace the way our country was formed...you know, by having a change in power every 4 or 8 years. It is not a surprise that Mr. Obama would be leaving office this January. So let's just take the time to pray for all our leadership and realize that there is a lot more important issues out there than protesting the person who was elected. If you do not like it, then get into politics and start making changes yourself. If you do not want to do that, then shut up, pray for those who are in our government and start acting like an American - one who is not entitled, but one who is grateful for this country.
Sincerely,
A white, female, Christian, republican, pro-gun, pro-life feminist
Thursday, October 27, 2016
A stressed out mom....
It has been way too long since I have had a moment to sit at my computer, open up the internet and try to put any thoughts down on anything. Seems like there are times when life is just spiraling out of control.
I know I am not the only mom who feels this way. (Shoot - you do not even have to be a mom to feel this way! That is just what is the main reason for my stress...)
Now, do not get that statement wrong! I absolutely love my kids. I love being a mom. I even love being a Stay At Home Mom {SAHM}! To have every day with my girls and get to watch them grow up. I know so many parents that miss out on so much because of work and other commitments that I am beyond thankful that I get to stay home and be with my girls every day.
But my goodness do they stress me out sometimes! LoL
Let's be real moms - it is not easy being a parent. Having these little beings that we have to teach EVERYTHING to.... it is not easy! It can be very stressful. Some days I do not know if I want coffee, wine, sleep, to run away, curl up in a ball and cry, or any number of other things!
I am just speaking the truth. If you have never felt this way - please, tell me your secret because I know a ton of moms out there who want to know.
However - just when I do not think that I can handle one more fight between my girls (which, let's be honest - I did not think the arguments would start this early... C is almost 3yrs and J is just 18m... And they fight about anything and everything!)... There are moments when I get so stressed, anxious, overwhelmed... I just want to leave.
That is when it happens. You know what I am talking about moms...dads... That moment when your child walks up to you, out of no where, with no prompting & tells you they love you! Gives you a hug! Does something so beyond silly that you find yourself laughing so hard you cry, instead of cry from stress.
Yes, these little beings that we are doing our very best to raise, to make into decent human beings that the world do not mind dealing with... These little ones who can have us on the verge of loosing our cool with them one second and laughing with them the next...
They are the ones who are such a blessing in our lives. They keep us balanced. They keep life fun.
So the next time that you feel like you are about to blow up and are so stressed you do not know what way is up -- Know you are not alone. There are thousands of other parents out there who feel the same. We are all just trying to do our best with what we have. We pray that we are doing things the way God wants us to so that we are able to look back one day and realize we raised pretty good kids.
It is time we stop trying to hide the fact that we are all just one screw away from falling apart some days. Stop trying to act like we are the perfect parent. Stop trying to tell others how to raise their kids. We are all in this together. All in this circus together.
If you need someone to talk to - I am here. I have been through so much in my 3 short years being a mom! But I am by no means an expert. I know my girls, and I know them better than anyone else. But I am still learning every single day. Every day is a new adventure with them and in this wonderful life of mommy hood!
The next time you feel like you cannot take another argument, another fight, another "no".... just remember, that moment of "I love you" or a hug or something hilarious to make you laugh is right around the corner. Look for that & realize how much those kiddos love you and appreciate you doing the best you can!
I know I am not the only mom who feels this way. (Shoot - you do not even have to be a mom to feel this way! That is just what is the main reason for my stress...)
Now, do not get that statement wrong! I absolutely love my kids. I love being a mom. I even love being a Stay At Home Mom {SAHM}! To have every day with my girls and get to watch them grow up. I know so many parents that miss out on so much because of work and other commitments that I am beyond thankful that I get to stay home and be with my girls every day.
But my goodness do they stress me out sometimes! LoL
Let's be real moms - it is not easy being a parent. Having these little beings that we have to teach EVERYTHING to.... it is not easy! It can be very stressful. Some days I do not know if I want coffee, wine, sleep, to run away, curl up in a ball and cry, or any number of other things!
I am just speaking the truth. If you have never felt this way - please, tell me your secret because I know a ton of moms out there who want to know.
However - just when I do not think that I can handle one more fight between my girls (which, let's be honest - I did not think the arguments would start this early... C is almost 3yrs and J is just 18m... And they fight about anything and everything!)... There are moments when I get so stressed, anxious, overwhelmed... I just want to leave.
That is when it happens. You know what I am talking about moms...dads... That moment when your child walks up to you, out of no where, with no prompting & tells you they love you! Gives you a hug! Does something so beyond silly that you find yourself laughing so hard you cry, instead of cry from stress.
Yes, these little beings that we are doing our very best to raise, to make into decent human beings that the world do not mind dealing with... These little ones who can have us on the verge of loosing our cool with them one second and laughing with them the next...
They are the ones who are such a blessing in our lives. They keep us balanced. They keep life fun.
So the next time that you feel like you are about to blow up and are so stressed you do not know what way is up -- Know you are not alone. There are thousands of other parents out there who feel the same. We are all just trying to do our best with what we have. We pray that we are doing things the way God wants us to so that we are able to look back one day and realize we raised pretty good kids.
It is time we stop trying to hide the fact that we are all just one screw away from falling apart some days. Stop trying to act like we are the perfect parent. Stop trying to tell others how to raise their kids. We are all in this together. All in this circus together.
If you need someone to talk to - I am here. I have been through so much in my 3 short years being a mom! But I am by no means an expert. I know my girls, and I know them better than anyone else. But I am still learning every single day. Every day is a new adventure with them and in this wonderful life of mommy hood!
The next time you feel like you cannot take another argument, another fight, another "no".... just remember, that moment of "I love you" or a hug or something hilarious to make you laugh is right around the corner. Look for that & realize how much those kiddos love you and appreciate you doing the best you can!
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Sharing God
I have not taken the time to write in here for a while. Mainly because life has happened! I think we all know what I mean when I say that. It may be different for each of us, but when life happens, it happens. Things like blogging just are not a priority for a little while.
But it has given me a lot of time to think. A lot of time to reflect on things that have happened throughout the last couple of months. And even though some events have made more of an impact on my life than others, for one reason or another... As I sit back and think, they all lead back to the same type of "ah-ha" type moment for me.
There are so many times in our lives when we have to make a choice. Right? Wrong? Go left or right? Little white lie (which is just a fancy name for a big fat lie) or the truth?
See - no matter what kind of situation we are dealing with at this time, every moment is a moment to show God's Love to everyone we meet. It can be very had when you are in a hurry and cars are going 20mph UNDER the speed limit (yes - that happened just yesterday to me)... Or when you see someone after 15 years that now acts like your best friend when they didn't like you years ago.
Every moment is a moment to show Gods Love to everyone we meet.
I was reminded yesterday of this as I sat at a funeral for such an amazing woman. She was the true embodiment of living Gods Love to everyone she met. And even though I knew this already, to sit and listen for over an hour as one person after another shared this same thing about her, it was amazing to hear.
One friend talked about how now it is our time. Now it is our turn. We all know someone like this amazing lady who shares God in every aspect of their life. But there domes a time in our lives when we have to be that person to someone else.
It is not always easy. There are times when we are dealing with things but no one knows and you have to listen to them complain about something that is so minor compared to what you are dealing with. But to them - it is not minor. To them it is just as important as what you are going through.
Every opportunity we go through is a chance to share God. It is an opportunity to ensure that no one leaves without knowing who God is and where they would go if they were to take their last breath today.
I pray that I remember this and that I can share God with everyone I meet. That I can be that example to someone through how I live my life.
My challenge to you is to ensure that you are strong in your relationship with God. That you show His Love to everyone you come in contact with. That you do not let the trials of this world to get you down.
Many blessings to you as you enjoy your day....
But it has given me a lot of time to think. A lot of time to reflect on things that have happened throughout the last couple of months. And even though some events have made more of an impact on my life than others, for one reason or another... As I sit back and think, they all lead back to the same type of "ah-ha" type moment for me.
There are so many times in our lives when we have to make a choice. Right? Wrong? Go left or right? Little white lie (which is just a fancy name for a big fat lie) or the truth?
See - no matter what kind of situation we are dealing with at this time, every moment is a moment to show God's Love to everyone we meet. It can be very had when you are in a hurry and cars are going 20mph UNDER the speed limit (yes - that happened just yesterday to me)... Or when you see someone after 15 years that now acts like your best friend when they didn't like you years ago.
Every moment is a moment to show Gods Love to everyone we meet.
I was reminded yesterday of this as I sat at a funeral for such an amazing woman. She was the true embodiment of living Gods Love to everyone she met. And even though I knew this already, to sit and listen for over an hour as one person after another shared this same thing about her, it was amazing to hear.
One friend talked about how now it is our time. Now it is our turn. We all know someone like this amazing lady who shares God in every aspect of their life. But there domes a time in our lives when we have to be that person to someone else.
It is not always easy. There are times when we are dealing with things but no one knows and you have to listen to them complain about something that is so minor compared to what you are dealing with. But to them - it is not minor. To them it is just as important as what you are going through.
Every opportunity we go through is a chance to share God. It is an opportunity to ensure that no one leaves without knowing who God is and where they would go if they were to take their last breath today.
I pray that I remember this and that I can share God with everyone I meet. That I can be that example to someone through how I live my life.
My challenge to you is to ensure that you are strong in your relationship with God. That you show His Love to everyone you come in contact with. That you do not let the trials of this world to get you down.
Many blessings to you as you enjoy your day....
Saturday, July 23, 2016
SAHM, Working Mom, Wife... How do you prioritize?
If you have read any of my blogs before, you know that my primary job is a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) to my two little girls. Caralee is 2.5 years old and Jayelle is 15 months old. They are my joy. My love. My reason for living. I finally felt complete when I became a mom. These girls have changed me in ways that I did not know needed changed. They have filled my heart with so much love that I do not know how I existed before earning the title of "Mom".
But this does not mean that I neglect every other area of my life. While these two little girls need me and need me for a lot of their well-being, it does not mean that I do not have time for anything else in my life.
I just spent 9 of the last 11 days at work. Away from my girls. Away from my husband. Away from my dogs. And while I was blessed enough to come home at night and sleep in my own bed, next to my husband, with my girls in their rooms beside mine, I was exhausted most evenings. A couple of nights I was too tired to even keep my eyes open while I was home. I found it very tough for me to switch on the "mom-mode" after leaving an 8-10 hour day at the office.
There were times when I wished I was able to just go home and snuggle my girls again. When I left for work in the mornings, Jayelle was increasingly showing her displeasure at my leaving every morning. She would wake up early just to see me before I left. Then hold tight to me when I hugged her goodbye in a way that made it tough to go out the door without crying.
I know being able to stay home with my children is a true blessing and I am very thankful that I am able to do this while my husband works outside the house. But the days that I do work it is just a constant reminder of how torn I am about having my career.
See, I love what I do. I love that I have been able to have the same career for over 15 years of my life. That I feel like I am making a difference in peoples lives through my work. But, if I were to be honest with myself (and you), I would give it up today if I had to in order to spend time with my girls if they needed me.
Yes, that is probably tough for a lot of people to understand. Even though I only typically work 3 days (in a row) a month, that still puts a strain on my family life. My husband and I have to rearrange our "normal" path of living in order to allow me to be away for a few days and continue my career. It requires a lot of love between us for me to do what I do. As well, it also requires a lot of family support in order to help me work when my husband works.
Sometimes I think about how I do have the best of both worlds in a way. I am able to be a SAHM to my little beauties, but also have a career. Each one of my jobs has me thankful that I have the other one. Thankful that I am able to "do it all" so to say.
Sometimes it is hard for moms [and dads] to make the decision to work once they have kids or to stay home with the kids. While having two incomes in the family is a true blessing and helps so much with the bills and everyday expenses of living; it can also be a true blessing to stay home with the kids while they are young.
There is a reason we have a choice though. Not one decision is right for everyone or every family. I think too often we put some moms down for working outside the home and having someone else raise the kids for the. But at the same time, we also put down the moms who stay home saying they do not do anything and just sit around the house all day and have no true meaning.
We need to learn that there is many different ways of doing things and bringing up our kids. But that has to be a decision between the parents to do what they feel is best for them and their family.
Either way, it requires sacrifices. There are times when I am too tired after a day with the girls and when my husband gets home I just want a few minutes to do nothing by myself (can we say pee alone without an audience? LoL). That requires an understanding with my husband and I to understand each others needs. He understands that I have a million things going through my mind most days trying to ensure that the girls have food daily, we all have clean clothes and sheets on our beds, we have a grocery list that eventually gets taken care of, that the dogs have food and water, we all get outside to play but have things to do inside when the temperature is too high for us.... The list could go on and on and on...
And sometimes - because of this list - my husband and I get too tired to put each other first, before the girls. It happens. No this in not the order in which God tells us to life (God, Spouse, Children), but it happens. Trust me. There is not just some magic button to push and turn off the "mom brain" to switch on the "wife brain" and be fine. It takes time. Takes relaxing. Takes understanding between my husband and I that we know this is only a season. We know that we will put each other before the children again when they are not so young and need so much attention.
There will be times when we can take a break from being parents and focus on each other more. While I would love to have dates weekly, it is just not possible. So we take advantage of the times that we do get together. Even if it is just snuggling together watching TV after putting the girls to bed. That is okay some times. It takes a lot of time, energy and support to raise children and take care of a house. Which means sometimes we do not get dates like we would like to. But that is okay!!
You have to do what works for you. If a date night is when the girls go to bed and we start a fire and sit outside just talking, then okay. No one said you have to spend money to go on a date. It can be as simple as just laying together reading. Or watching a movie. Just being together after long days. Ending the day in each others arms. Giving each other the understanding of what they have going on in their minds that may be taking priority....for a season.
Please know, I love my husband more than words can describe. And I know that he loves me like that as well. And even though it seems as though we do not even get a chance to see each other sometimes, that does not change how we feel about each other. Weeks like this past week when we are both working, someone else is watching our children and we both come home just exhausted, we have less time together to talk and interact just due to the realities of life at the time.
So understand that it is okay if you have a season where your priorities have shifted a little bit. It is okay to have a time of your mind being so consumed with the needs of your children that you and your spouse do not get that quality time together.
Never let anyone tell you that you are wrong or have your priorities mixed up - as long as it is just for a season. As long as you get back to the way things should be, you will be fine. Take those moments when you get them with your spouse. Even as a SAHM, I have to find a way to balance everything. Which is stressful in itself at times. But we can all do it. We can support each other and help each other. If we can just get to where we take the times to do things in our lives that mean the most. Then we can be successful.
There are moments in life when I focus on my children. Times when I focus on my husband. Times when I focus on my career.
And that is okay. As long as I do not let my focus stay off my husband for too long and I always have God at the top.
But this does not mean that I neglect every other area of my life. While these two little girls need me and need me for a lot of their well-being, it does not mean that I do not have time for anything else in my life.
I just spent 9 of the last 11 days at work. Away from my girls. Away from my husband. Away from my dogs. And while I was blessed enough to come home at night and sleep in my own bed, next to my husband, with my girls in their rooms beside mine, I was exhausted most evenings. A couple of nights I was too tired to even keep my eyes open while I was home. I found it very tough for me to switch on the "mom-mode" after leaving an 8-10 hour day at the office.
There were times when I wished I was able to just go home and snuggle my girls again. When I left for work in the mornings, Jayelle was increasingly showing her displeasure at my leaving every morning. She would wake up early just to see me before I left. Then hold tight to me when I hugged her goodbye in a way that made it tough to go out the door without crying.
I know being able to stay home with my children is a true blessing and I am very thankful that I am able to do this while my husband works outside the house. But the days that I do work it is just a constant reminder of how torn I am about having my career.
See, I love what I do. I love that I have been able to have the same career for over 15 years of my life. That I feel like I am making a difference in peoples lives through my work. But, if I were to be honest with myself (and you), I would give it up today if I had to in order to spend time with my girls if they needed me.
Yes, that is probably tough for a lot of people to understand. Even though I only typically work 3 days (in a row) a month, that still puts a strain on my family life. My husband and I have to rearrange our "normal" path of living in order to allow me to be away for a few days and continue my career. It requires a lot of love between us for me to do what I do. As well, it also requires a lot of family support in order to help me work when my husband works.
Sometimes I think about how I do have the best of both worlds in a way. I am able to be a SAHM to my little beauties, but also have a career. Each one of my jobs has me thankful that I have the other one. Thankful that I am able to "do it all" so to say.
Sometimes it is hard for moms [and dads] to make the decision to work once they have kids or to stay home with the kids. While having two incomes in the family is a true blessing and helps so much with the bills and everyday expenses of living; it can also be a true blessing to stay home with the kids while they are young.
There is a reason we have a choice though. Not one decision is right for everyone or every family. I think too often we put some moms down for working outside the home and having someone else raise the kids for the. But at the same time, we also put down the moms who stay home saying they do not do anything and just sit around the house all day and have no true meaning.
We need to learn that there is many different ways of doing things and bringing up our kids. But that has to be a decision between the parents to do what they feel is best for them and their family.
Either way, it requires sacrifices. There are times when I am too tired after a day with the girls and when my husband gets home I just want a few minutes to do nothing by myself (can we say pee alone without an audience? LoL). That requires an understanding with my husband and I to understand each others needs. He understands that I have a million things going through my mind most days trying to ensure that the girls have food daily, we all have clean clothes and sheets on our beds, we have a grocery list that eventually gets taken care of, that the dogs have food and water, we all get outside to play but have things to do inside when the temperature is too high for us.... The list could go on and on and on...
And sometimes - because of this list - my husband and I get too tired to put each other first, before the girls. It happens. No this in not the order in which God tells us to life (God, Spouse, Children), but it happens. Trust me. There is not just some magic button to push and turn off the "mom brain" to switch on the "wife brain" and be fine. It takes time. Takes relaxing. Takes understanding between my husband and I that we know this is only a season. We know that we will put each other before the children again when they are not so young and need so much attention.
There will be times when we can take a break from being parents and focus on each other more. While I would love to have dates weekly, it is just not possible. So we take advantage of the times that we do get together. Even if it is just snuggling together watching TV after putting the girls to bed. That is okay some times. It takes a lot of time, energy and support to raise children and take care of a house. Which means sometimes we do not get dates like we would like to. But that is okay!!
You have to do what works for you. If a date night is when the girls go to bed and we start a fire and sit outside just talking, then okay. No one said you have to spend money to go on a date. It can be as simple as just laying together reading. Or watching a movie. Just being together after long days. Ending the day in each others arms. Giving each other the understanding of what they have going on in their minds that may be taking priority....for a season.
Please know, I love my husband more than words can describe. And I know that he loves me like that as well. And even though it seems as though we do not even get a chance to see each other sometimes, that does not change how we feel about each other. Weeks like this past week when we are both working, someone else is watching our children and we both come home just exhausted, we have less time together to talk and interact just due to the realities of life at the time.
So understand that it is okay if you have a season where your priorities have shifted a little bit. It is okay to have a time of your mind being so consumed with the needs of your children that you and your spouse do not get that quality time together.
Never let anyone tell you that you are wrong or have your priorities mixed up - as long as it is just for a season. As long as you get back to the way things should be, you will be fine. Take those moments when you get them with your spouse. Even as a SAHM, I have to find a way to balance everything. Which is stressful in itself at times. But we can all do it. We can support each other and help each other. If we can just get to where we take the times to do things in our lives that mean the most. Then we can be successful.
There are moments in life when I focus on my children. Times when I focus on my husband. Times when I focus on my career.
And that is okay. As long as I do not let my focus stay off my husband for too long and I always have God at the top.
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